The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
