I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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