i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
