o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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