all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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