Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
