So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
