ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
operation harelip BJ is a go
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
