I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
