Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
