I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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