unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
