K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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