Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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