i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
