I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
