You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
