Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
