Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
