Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
