yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I came so hard my ears popped.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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