I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
