youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
