hotel room ftw
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
