He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i drank out of a bidet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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