My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
