Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
