Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
