Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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