Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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