Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
