I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
