how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
