So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
