This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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