i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
