stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
