Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
