I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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