I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
