She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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