From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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