Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
