Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
