I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
