She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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