first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
