Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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