We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
