Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
