Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
40s are totally the cure
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
