Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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