New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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