i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
