u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
