My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
