New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
