he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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