the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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