Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
