Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
