went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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