Pants 0. Shit 1.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
