TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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