I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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