There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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