god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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