I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
