Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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