Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
