Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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