i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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