I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
