And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
