when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
