Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
