it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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