you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
