No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
