Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
