ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
