Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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