i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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