We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
