I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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