I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We are all done wearing pants today
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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